The movie begins with a scene in France, where McCullen is found guilty of selling weapons to both sides of a conflict, and forced to wear a metal mask for the remainder of his life; we flash forward to the present day, with his modern day ancestor James McCullen, head of M.A.R.S., an organization which has finished developing a nanomite weapon for NATO; these nanomites, when deployed are capable of quickly digesting metal. For the majority of the next two hours is the back and forth of the Joes getting the nanomite warheads and the bad guys stealing it back; in between the good guys train, partake in witty banter, discuss philosophy and reflect on the traumatic events of their lives. The movie is an ensemble action spy film, a sort of James Bond film, where none of the stars have the presence of being a movie star, and spend way too much time explaining the events of the film.
Is the movie a two hour toy commercial? Not any more than a film like The Dark Knight is, though the flying Hasbro logo 30 seconds in may suggest it. There are toys available for the vehicles and the characters, but it doesn't go out of its way to shamelessly promote the toys, though the amount of toys that could be made from the gadgetry introduced in the movie could keep Hasbro in the black for a long time. Of the characters from the 80s, it is in fact the bad guys that still resemble their toy counterparts; the good guys have been largely revamped (save for Snake Eyes, whose design remains unchanged). Rated PG-13, the movie misses the target age audience for the toys, and it is highly unlikely that collectors will pick up on the new toyline to satisfy their nostalgic urges.
The movie isn't designed to make you feel or think; it's a mindless action film, with explosions and CGI effects galore; any expectations of being more than a visual feast for the eyes, will result in being disappointed.
Leave a comment